Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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