I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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