I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
