I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
