We won't sleep together?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I am spending my child support on dildos
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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