I heard we made out
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My bed smells like the plague
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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