My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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