My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
