I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
