I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
PANTIES FOUND
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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