I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
