Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
