guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
