Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I am full of burrito and curiosity
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
do nipples grow back?
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