you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
