my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
sarcasm needs its own font
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
