let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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