goodnight i made you a song goodbye
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
