Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
