I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
