Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
