Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
