No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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