bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
