i just had sex bonerless
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
two words: eviction party
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
