Having a random hookup so left but love u
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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