fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
