IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
