That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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