i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
