I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
