Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
