Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
