Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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