just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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