capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
