He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
