so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Randomize
