Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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