So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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