On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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