Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
