You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
where does the pee come out of this thing
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
