I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
