I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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