i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
