he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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