so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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