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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
