so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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