I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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