i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
