I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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