i already hear my dad disowning me
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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