it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think my fart just growled at me.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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