ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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