I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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