You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We're too hungover to prance.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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