how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
