I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
