Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
