ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
