I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
