i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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