I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize