what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
