He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
