Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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