so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
