i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
