How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
