if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
