New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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